Archives for May 2016

Month Without Metaphor’s Mid-Term Report: no gold stars this year

May 17, 2016 By Juho Morsk, TMD Media Reporter

The mid-month statistics are in for Park media’s third annual Month Without Metaphor (MWM) and organizers say they won’t be giving out any gold stars this year unless things change significantly in the coming weeks.

“I’m surprised by these statistics. I thought we’d gotten our message across, but there’s a significant degree of slippage that’s occurred and I find it distressing,” organizer Alvin Tinamou said minutes after the report was released.

While the numbers are still slightly better than they were in MWM’s first year, they are “startlingly high,” Tinamou says.

“At this time last year, we were pleased with the results, but I take no pleasure in informing you that, on the whole, Park media has been embellishing its coverage of news more than we feel is warranted,” he said.

He did, however, praise a few publications for bringing in lower numbers. Those publications were The Avian Messenger (Tinamou’s own newspaper), The Halibut Herald, The Burro Beacon and Reptile Radio.

“And as usual,” Tinamou said, “The Marsupial Messenger has kept their metaphors to a bare minimum.”

Here are Month Without Metaphor’s mid-month results in full:

[table]
Publication, Number of Infractions,
Toro Talk Radio, 278
CLucK Radio, 225
Chitter Radio, 183
The Dingo Boomerang,   107
Marine Mammal Radio,   112
The Mollusk Messenger, 82
The Salamander Evening Post, 94
Reptile Radio, 66
The Silvestris Star, 87
headsNtales, 102
The Burro Beacon,   56
The Noodlefish News,   88
The Canary Courier,   78
bRaydio 4, 89
The Halibut Herald,   65
Maple Tree Television, 76
The Eagle Star, 70
The Equine Echo,   69
The Rodent Commoner, 68
The Robin Reporter,   72
The Galliforme Gazette,   76
The Kaluga Register,   65
The Cosmopolitan Pest,   65
The Bluebird Free Press,   59
Vertebrate Vision, 58
The Insect Intelligencer, 66
The Panther Post, 86
The Polar Bear Post, 66
The Avian Messenger,   48
PRANCE Magazine, 57
The Blackbird Informer, 79
The Ornis Interpreter, 47
The Mammalian Daily,   55
LAULAA Magazine, 39
The Raccoon Reporter, 40
The Simian Spectator, 50
The Marsupial Messenger, 29

[/table]

Farmers threaten to boycott Friday’s Agrarian Jubilee over food-finding apps

May 16, 2016 By Natalie Jane Appaloosa, TMD Food Reporter

The Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF) says it will boycott Friday’s annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee unless The Park’s technology sector comes to the table to discuss its concerns over the proliferation of food-finding apps.

In a statement released to media this morning, SCPCPGF president A.P. Civet called on tech companies to listen to what his group has to say about the future of food and its availability in The Park.

“The issue is not whether technology should be involved in the production and distribution of food. Of course it should. The issue is where and when, under what circumstances and for what purpose,” Civet says in the statement.

The dispute between the two sectors dates back to the beginning of Tulip Season in March, when apps such as Bulb Beacon and TulipTracker became available. The SCPCPGF expressed its concern that the apps had been released too soon and Park farmers hadn’t had a chance to amp up food production in order to meet the growing expectations of our population. Civet contended that the “natural” ways of finding food allowed for a more even distribution of food.

“If all Park residents were to use these apps, our food sources would dry up within days and we would be forced to import even more food from outside The Park,” he said.

In the media statement released the morning, Civet expressed his disappointment that technology companies hadn’t responded to his many invitations to discuss the issue.

“We are all in this together. I don’t understand why they’re not willing [to discuss the issue].

As of this morning, none of The Park’s technology companies that produce food-finding apps has responded to the threat of the boycott.

Have your say! Who should deliver the 2016 UWT commencement address?

May 14, 2016 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

The President and Governors of the University of West Terrier want to hear from you! Which Animal would you choose to deliver the 2016 commencement address?

Make your choice from among the ten candidates listed in the poll below or feel free to write in your own suggestion beside the “Other” box.

Please note: The poll closes May 21, 2016. Vote now!

Stand-alone education advocates use buttons to kick off new campaign

May 13, 2016 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon usually keeps to himself, but this weekend we’ll be seeing his image everywhere, if a new pro-education group has its way.

The group, which calls itself “Park Citizens for Stand-Alone Education,” has used the judge’s image and his most recent ruling that all Animals have the right to remain stupid, to kick off their campaign in favour of building stand-alone educational institutions for The Park’s young.

In a statement released this morning, the group says that it’s high time the Archons faced the truth about education in The Park.

“We’ve been talking around this issue for some time and nothing has been done to improve the quality of education here [in The Park]. We are taking the issue to Park citizens, to the Archons and to the budget committee and Park Finance Officer Abeja. We need to provide quality education for our young in a separate environment from their home and we need to see to it immediately,” says the statement, which was written by Domoina Fossa, the group’s head.

Fossa has some experience in this area. As a professor at the F. Varrah Flanagan School of Education at the University of West Terrier and the head researcher of a study commissioned by the 2011 Archons, she concluded that the majority of Park Animals were home-schooled and that “this type of system does not work in a modern Park, with so many species trying to live together harmoniously.”

Fossa says she still stands by that opinion.

“We believe the interspecial strife that has escalated over the past few years could be mitigated by introducing Animals to other species at an early point in their lives. And in addition to that, we believe that using trained teachers is the best way to impart knowledge. Not all parents are capable of doing that,” she says.

The group will be out in full force over the weekend, handing out buttons and talking to citizens about education and the future of The Park.

“I can’t wait to get going on this campaign. The future is now,” says Fossa.

Squeakeasy Tuesdays: is it poetry or is it polemic?

May 11, 2016 By Aednat Eilifint, TMD Arts and Entertainment Reporter

Tuesday nights at the Squeakeasy used to be about the art of poetry.

Poets—young and old, professional and amateur, aspiring and established—flocked to the pub to read their latest creations. It was a safe place to get some feedback on your work.

“You could see and hear the response to your poetry immediately. The audience was very opinionated and they were known for that. If they didn’t understand or they thought they had a better idea, they’d tell you. And it was honest and that’s what made it valuable. It wasn’t tied in with anything else. It was just the writing,” poet Winston Wombat told The Mammalian Daily.

But these days, it seems things are different. Organizers are wary of discussing it openly, but poets themselves admit the priorities have changed.

“It’s gone from the lyrical to the polemical. Everything has become more political,” says Setsuko Macaque, the award-winning haiku poet who is revered throughout The Park.

“Even the audience has changed. It depends on who is reading that week. That’s not how it used to be. Before, the place would be full because the audience wanted to hear poetry. Now, it’s this group or that group, this poet’s or that poet’s followers. It’s all different, ” she says.

Poet Marcus Mosquito agrees.

“You didn’t pick and choose. You came here to hear new poems and, obviously, to have a drink. But you were open to new things, new ideas. Now it’s shut down. If it’s not your poet, if it’s not your point of view, you won’t be here. I think that’s a very closed-minded way to be.”

Fowl Ball fully hatched: organizer touts mature event for 2016

May 9, 2016 By Elspeth Duper, TMD Social Events Reporter

The Park’s third annual Fowl Ball will take place on Tuesday, May 31, 2016

The Fowl Ball is all grown up and ready to be the “main event”of The Park’s Spring social season.

“We had some growing pains, there’s no doubt about that. But we’re happy to say we’re over them and we’re ready to move forward as a mature event,” Rafael Ortega said this morning.

As the sole guest on Toro Talk Radio’s Yannis Tavros show, the Ball’s chief organizer had the opportunity to expound on his goals for the charity affair and some of them seemed quite lofty. But Ortega had an answer for any doubters:

“Birds like to think big and fly high,” he said.

Ortega has achieved many of his goals thus far. In two short years, he has made the Fowl Ball one of the most anticipated events on The Park’s social calendar. And it has brought in more money than Ortega anticipated it would do in the course of five years.

Indeed, on its own, the Ball has funded the establishment of The Park’s first retirement residence for wounded and elderly members of the Avian community. The residence is set to open this Autumn, but Ortega says he won’t be spending the time between now and then “sitting pretty” or resting on his laurels.

“My goal is to make the Fowl Ball not just a signature event, but a Park institution,” he told Tavros.

Doubters: consider yourselves warned.

The Park’s third annual Fowl Ball will take place on Tuesday, May 31, 2016. Tickets are on sale now and are available at all Park retailers, as well as at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

Mating Dance selfies posted on web by Humans: DWBS

May 7, 2016 By Thaddeus S. Loris, TMD Health and Safety Reporter

Mating Dance selfies posted by Humans on web constitute a danger to us all: DWBS

BREAKING NEWS

The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has launched an investigation into the posting on the internet of selfies and other photos that were taken during Thursday’s Mating Dance.

At a late night press conference yesterday, DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo announced the investigation.

“The Department of Well-Being and Safety has launched a full-scale investigation into the posting of photos taken by Park Animals at the annual Mating Dance on Thursday May 5. At the same time, the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) of the Park Police and the Ant Security and Intelligence Service (ASIS) have begun their own, independent inquiry. The DWBS intends to cooperate fully with Park Police and to share our findings with them,” Kakapo said.

The DWBS became aware of the photos early yesterday morning, according to Kakapo.

“We were alerted to their existence by one of the Animals whose photos appear on a web site. We subsequently determined that this web site is owned by Humans,” he said.

Kakapo described the photos as “private and intimate” and said the Animal who reported them does not wish to be named.

“It is beyond disturbing that this has happened and we consider this type of behaviour to be a clear and present danger to all Park Animals,” he said.

Park Museum’s Flyball exhibition to open at noon on Sunday, May 8

May 3, 2016 By TMD Culture Reporter

The Park Museum’s Flyball exhibition will open at noon on Sunday May 8

The Park Museum announced today that its first exhibition dealing with sport will open at noon on Sunday, May 8.

Flyball and the Importance of Balls in the Everyday Life of Park Animals will feature more than five hundred works that illustrate the relationship of Park Animals to balls and sport. These works include oil and watercolour paintings, photographs, sculpture, works in metal and glass, and textile impressions, all of which celebrate balls and the way they inform Park life.

The exhibition was co-curated by The Park Museum’s resident curator Dorika Pumi and Mammalian Daily Balls columnist and sports historian Bailey.

This is the first time that Bailey has been involved in what he calls “institutional” work. In an interview on TMD Radio this morning, he talked about his association with the museum and the generous donation of his private collection of balls to the exhibition.

“I was honoured to be associated with The Park Museum. They are real professionals and serious about their work,” he said. “I didn’t hesitate for a minute in making the donation, which was my idea, in fact.”

He went on to praise the museum’s staff and said he had a “great working relationship” with them.

“The dedication of museum staff and the meticulousness they brought to their work impressed me. We’ve developed a mutual understanding and respect that goes beyond this exhibition and I hope I will be able to work with them again.”

Flyball and the Importance of Balls in the Everyday Life of Park Animals will run until the end of October.

Cornelio Lontra wins big at yesterday’s Toe-Hair Contest

May 2, 2016 By Fiona Lupu, TMD Events Reporter

Cornelio Lontra flipped when he won The Park’s 21st Toe-Hair Contest

The winner of the 2016 Toe-Hair contest literally flipped when he heard the announcement.

“I really thought it would go to Chico [Chinchilla]. I couldn’t believe they called my name,” Cornelio Lontra said.

But call his name they did, after head judge Sierpinski Squirrel confirmed the judges’ unanimous choice.

“They were beauties,” judge Antonio Marcelo said on TMD radio this morning. “They were obviously carefully cultivated. No Animal in the contest could match them.”

And as for Lontra’s friend Chinchilla, he did, in fact, win second prize, while Indira Gecko took home third.

Meanwhile, Lontra is still waiting for it all to sink in.

“I am still stunned, even a day later,” he told The Mammalian Daily via telephone. “When I woke up this morning and it was still true, I was amazed.”