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2014 Groundhog Day Celebrations spark controversy

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Screen Shot 2014-01-23 at 9.43.47 AMWe may be ten days away from the POPS prediction and related celebrations, but this year’s Groundhog Day program is already proving to be controversial.

The decision made by the 2013 Archons to substitute a “musical interlude” for the Park Historical Society’s Tribute to Zoocracy has sparked some heated discussion, particularly on talk radio stations.

Yesterday morning, Park Historical Society President Clark Cascanueces admitted he was “blindsided” by the exclusion of his organization’s short film on zoocracy. He and University of West Terrier history professor Beatrice Zilonis were guests of talk show host Yannis Tavros on Toro Talk Radio.

“I was gobsmacked, truly,” Zilonis said. They went on to characterize the 2013 Archons as “the most ignorant, anti-education group of Animals” they had ever seen.

While Cascanueces and Zilonis are not alone in their opinions, many in The Park support the Archons’ decision. Citing Hieronymous Hedgehog’s criticism of the film last year as “a touch Human,” Mammalian Daily advice columnist and UWT adjunct professor of Human Studies reiterated her opinion of the tribute on a Canine Communications Radio (CCR) call-in show.

“There is something almost Human about our celebrating ourselves,” she said.

“It’s not the Animal way. I think we’ve imbibed this sort of ‘Rah Rah’ attitude from the Humans around us and I’m not sure it’s such a good idea. In any case, I don’t think it’s quite appropriate for Groundhog Day and I’m behind the Archons on this. I think their decision to remove it from the program was a sound one,” she said.

Schedule of events for Groundhog Day celebrations released

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Groundhog Day Schedule 2014The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has released the Official Schedule of the 2014 Groundhog Day Celebrations.

At a press conference held this morning, Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for the department, announced plans for what some commentators have dubbed the “most musical” Groundhog Day celebrations ever.

“Those who attend the celebrations annually will note one particular change in this year’s festival. We are very proud to announce the addition of a musical interlude between the Archons’ address and the Groundhog Day Parade,” she said.

Kanariar also hinted that this year’s parade would be noticeably different, but refused to elaborate any further.

As well, the public relations director confirmed that for the first time, the events would be covered live on Twitter by Mammalian Daily reporters.

To follow The Mammalian Daily’s live coverage of the 2014 Groundhog Day celebrations, click here.

DWBS issues “Watch Your Whiskers” alert for tomorrow

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Watch your Whiskers

The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has issued a “Watch Your Whiskers” alert for tomorrow’s swearing-in ceremony at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

“The Department of Well-Being and Safety wishes to remind Park Animals that whiskers are particularly vulnerable to damage at this time of year. Those Animals who are planning to attend tomorrow’s swearing-in ceremony of the Archons at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre would be well-advised to take precautions against such damage, due to the forecasted cold temperatures and the projected large numbers of attendees,” the alert states.

This is the second such alert the DWBS has issued this Winter. The first occurred in late December, when The Park experienced record low temperatures.

Names of 2014 Archons announced this morning

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Blue dice


The list of the 2014 Archons, who were chosen through sortition, has been released.

The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2014 government have been released.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons was posted at the Law Courts early this morning, an hour after the selection was certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Law Courts until the end of the week so that Park citizens and residents may review the names, Archon Transition Team spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin told The Mammalian Daily.

Readers of this newspaper need look no further than the bottom of this article, however. The Mammalian Daily is the only Park newspaper given permission to publish the list of names.

The 35 Animals, who were selected to be Archons through the process of sortition, will be sworn in at a ceremony that will take place tomorrow morning at 10:00. Tens of thousands of Park citizens are expected to attend the swearing-in ceremony, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. As well, many thousands more will be able to watch the event on television. The Park Broadcasting Corporation (PBC), which holds exclusive rights to the swearing-in ceremony, will once again dedicate its entire morning programming schedule to the event.

 ______________________________

ARCHONS – 2014
Moose, Buckminster Addison Carlisle Harris  (Chief Archon)
Angelshark, Horst; Anchovy, Leopold Anton; Black Toad, Duncan; Bluegill, Morley Hammond; Caecilian Ethan William; Chickadee, Norma Dakota; Colugo, Channary Am; Crapaud, Jean François; Dab, Halldora; Elephant, Anastasia Ludmila Margarita; Gavial, Ophelia; Gombessa, Sanjay; Groda, Edvin Theodor; Hornet, Xenophon; Hydra, Zephron; Isopod, Agamemnon; Junco; Elpidio Domingo; Kangaroo, Donald Liam; Locust, Abigail Chantal; Lory, Alfred Tobago; Matamata, Evelyn Isabel; Newfoundlander, Xanthippe; Nursehound, Amalfried; Panda, Astra Liliana; Pig Frog, Nelson; Rana de Cuernos, Arturo; Salamander, Leonidas; Shrew, Socrates Yorgos; Squid, Enzo Louis Raphaël; Sterlet, Florian; Swan, Ingrid Mathilde; Tuatara, Atarata; Weta, Rhinehart; Wren, Lucas Brayden

Countdown to a new government: 2014 Archons to be announced tomorrow

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Jan 15The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2014 government will be released tomorrow.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons will be posted at the Law Courts early tomorrow morning, an hour after the selection is certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The Mammalian Daily will publish the list on its web site as soon as it is made public.

Majority of citizens believe 2013 Archons ineffective: survey

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Park citizens not impressed by 2013 Archons


Park citizens have not been impressed by the effectiveness of the 2013 Archons

If  Park Animals’ farewell message to their outgoing government could be summed up in two words, those words might well be, “Good riddance.”

So say the results of a survey conducted last month by the Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science at the University of West Terrier.

The survey, which asked Park Animals thirty questions regarding the effectiveness of this year’s Archons, netted some surprising results, says Dr. Anneliese Cissa, the Livingstone School’s head.

“We asked a representative sample of Park citizens questions about the 2013 Archons’ policies and visions, and about their success in following through on the promises they made on Groundhog Day. Few of the respondents could name one policy the Archons had even enunciated, let alone brought to fruition,” she said.

The overwhelming feeling of the respondents was one of acute disappointment.

“Our respondents were quick to characterize the 2013 government as not only lacking in action, but in vision. And vision is the very thing we look to the Archons for,” she said.

The survey respondents were also forthright in their criticism of Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros.

“It appears that Park Animals had higher expectations of her because she is a Rhinoceros. Unfortunately, her performance did not meet those expectations,” said Cissa.

Archons take heat for secretly moving on single currency

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Ftoo symbols


Above are some of the designs for a currency symbol that were submitted to the 2013 Archons in December. The Archons’ decision to commission an official symbol for the Ftoo has many believing they intended to move forward on currency amalgamation without consulting Park citizens.

In what is believed to have been a last-ditch attempt to secure their legacy, the 2013 Archons secretly commissioned designs for a symbol that would represent the Ftoo as The Park’s official currency.

That is the conclusion of a month-long joint investigation by reporters from The Mammalian Daily and The Avian Messenger, the results of which were released today.

According to the investigators, the 2013 Archons intended to move forward with a plan to amalgamate Park currencies and to establish the Ftoo as the official currency, all without consulting citizens on the matter.

“This is an outrage,” said Rowena Goose, the long-time president of the Association for the Preservation of Individual Currencies (APIC).

In a statement issued this afternoon, The Goose condemned the Archons’ move and in an interview broadcast on AVN Television, she bluntly questioned their competence.

“It looks as if the only thing that stopped them was their own incompetence. Their indecision as regards the final currency design saved this Park from financial disaster,” she said.

The Goose went on to indict The Park’s political system in what she termed “the biggest financial scandal of this decade.”

“Might I say, this gives us a good reason to consider establishing elections for Archons, so we can ensure their ability to serve in the best interests of Park citizens,” she said.

Massive crowd greets opening of Park’s Otter Ice Slide

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The opening of The Park’s Otter ice slide was greeted with great enthusiasm this afternoon. The slide was closed last year after a tragic accident left an Otter injured.

An enthusiastic crowd gathered this afternoon to witness the 2014 opening of The Park’s Otter Ice Slide.

The Slide, which is the favourite recreational venue of The Park’s Otter families, operates annually from January 6 until March 13. But today marked the first time it had been open since January 10 of last year, when the Department of Well-Being and Safety shut it down following the accident suffered by Boldizsar Vidra. On January 9, Vidra was injured when his coat got stuck on the Slide’s ice as he was travelling down it at a high speed.

Budget cutbacks and questionable weather purchases were blamed for the dangerous ice conditions on the Slide. Vidra recovered after a long convalescence, but several groups lobbied to keep the Slide closed permanently.

At the opening ceremony this morning, DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo assured attendees that conditions on the Slide would be watched closely and attended to immediately.

“The Department of Well-Being and Safety takes the welfare of Park Animals very seriously. Any great fluctuations in temperature or anything else that affects the condition of the Slide’s ice will be dealt with in a timely fashion,” he said.

See also: DWBS shuts down Otter Ice Slide following tragic accident
               Otter Ice Slide in jeopardy as victim released from hospital

 

Arctic temperatures may add stress to job of POPS: expert

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The recent Arctic-like temperatures that The Park has experienced may end up causing stress for our 2014 POPS, experts say.

The Arctic-like temperatures that have overtaken The Park over the past few weeks may end up adding stress to the job of our 2014 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), says at least one expert in the field.

Speaking with talk show host Yannis Tavros on Toro Talk Radio, Park psychotherapist Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon said she believed that come Groundhog Day, 2014 POPS Solange Graciela Marmotte will be under a lot of pressure to predict an early Spring.

“She will want to be the bearer of good news but if, indeed, she does see her shadow, she must tell us so. That will be a very difficult thing for her to do and I have no doubt she will find that conflict extremely stressful,” Gibbon said.

Gibbon, who is in private practice but is also on staff at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic, said she believes that even though Marmotte is in hibernation, she is aware of the difficult Winter we are having.

“I think, subconsciously, she may even be struggling with a form of ‘hibernators’ guilt’ and be feeling a high degree of tension due to the sympathy she is feeling for her non-hibernating compatriots. I think our POPS is in a very difficult position this year,” Gibbon said.

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