BREAKING NEWS
The 2014 Archons have launched an investigation into former Park Finance Officer Milton Struts’s dealings with Humans.

In an announcement made this morning, press secretary to the Archons Balthasar Alouatta confirmed that a “full” investigation has commenced with the goal of uncovering not only any wrongdoing that Struts may have committed, but also what was known, if anything, by others.

“In the interest of all who reside in The Park, the 2014 Archons have launched a full investigation into the activities of former Park Finance Officer Milton Struts. We are looking to gain all information regarding Mr. Struts’s dealings with Humans, both inside and outside The Park,” Alouatta said.

In addition, the investigation committee is asking all Animals who have any information regarding the matter to come forward and testify before the committee.

“It is of the utmost importance that we gather all the information we can so that we can make an informed decision as to whether or not Mr. Struts did anything inappropriate,” he said.

Alouatta also confirmed that Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon has “graciously” accepted the Archons’ invitation to head the investigation committee.

“With Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon at the helm, we are confident that the committee will be able to investigate and render their decision in a timely fashion,” Alouatta said.

He promised. as well, that all findings would be made public as soon as they are compiled.

The Park’s grooming houses are experiencing a sharp spike in the number of requests for their stripe removal services, according to survey results reported in the October newsletter of The Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS).[pullquote]I think we should take a close look at these statistics and find a way to help our striped and spotted populations so they don’t need to feel they have to do this to survive[economically]. We should all be able to be who we are. — Tallulah of Tallulah’s Toilettage [/pullquote]

In the newsletter, representatives of The Park’s major grooming houses report that the number of completed procedures has increased 190% in the past two years.

These statistics were among others gathered through questionnaires that were sent to PASS members. According to Wellington Whistlepig, founder and current PASS president, the survey is carried out annually “to take our members’ temperature, to assess the state of the economy, and to see what the Association can do for its members.”

The stripe removal statistics are “a disturbing trend,” the grooming houses admit.

“And those statistics don’t even include the number of inquiries or, as we call them, incomplete procedures,” says The Mane Event’s head coiffeur Marlene Bärin.

At Amoltrud’s Aesthetics, proprietor Amoltrud says that although she advises her clients against the procedure, her salon was forced to include the service in their offerings last year “in order to keep up with the competition.”

“Sometimes we do things we don’t believe in, so that we can continue to do the things we do believe in,” she says.

Meanwhile, Tallulah of Tallulah’s Toilettage calls stripe removal “a growth industry.”

“I see no end in sight,” she says.

Her shop was the first of The Park’s grooming houses to offer such a service but she says she never thought it would become a popular option.

“We can’t ignore the economic reasons for the rise in popularity. I think we should take a close look at these statistics and find a way to help our striped and spotted populations so they don’t need to feel they have to do this to survive [economically]. We should all be able to be who we are,” she says.

See also:
Two years on, striped and spotted Animals see little economic progress
Striped Animals not getting fair share of economic pie: study
“Stereotype Sundays” aim to foster harmony among species