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OTD in 2015—Less than three weeks left to confirm your eligibility for Archon selection: DPA

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The Department of Political Administration (DPA) has issued a reminder to all Park citizens: you have until the end of October to confirm your eligibility to stand as a candidate for Archon.

“The department wishes to remind all adult Park citizens that, by law, they must confirm their eligibility to stand as candidates for Archon and they must do so by the end of October,” says the reminder.

According to the rules of zoocracy, illness constitutes the only exception to this rule. Animals who are ill and who believe they would be unable to fulfil their duties as Archon due to their illness are required to advise the department of their circumstances by submitting a Form 12.

“Since sortition is the method by which we select Archons, we depend on the full cooperation of adult citizens,” DPA spokesAnimal Antoinette Fourmi said in a radio interview this morning.

And lest you consider withholding your name for any reason, Fourmi reminded listeners that last year, one citizen did just that and found himself charged and convicted  of “Cease to Care.”

“Because all of this was established at the time of zoocracy as an obligation of citizenship, we take it very seriously when Animals refuse to participate,” she said.

OTD in 2016—On the docket: these are the trials to follow this October

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Mr Justice Augustus Dindon

The law courts will be busy this month, dealing with a number of high-profile cases scheduled to be heard by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon.

Below is a list of trials to watch in October.

October 17: The Park v Gunnar Rotte: charged with disturbing the peace and inciting violence at a Stereotype Sunday event in August.

October 19: The Park v The Gang of Twenty-One: charged with committing crimes of a specist nature in connection with throwing spitballs at the director and other attendees at the premiere of the movie, WINK.

October 24: The Park v Paulus Koer: The police officer was charged with two counts of biting resulting in injury at a PIFF after-after party on October 5.

October 27: The Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP), the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF), Runaway Rovers, Home to Roost, et al. v The Park and the Department of Holidays, Festivals and Celebrations: In the matter of Rule #7 and the restriction of the right to assemble and the right to exercise free speech at the annual Harvest Festival, the aforementioned groups request the overturning of the rule.

OTD in 2016—Police trainees find more lucrative positions outside Park: report

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police_dogA report released today says that a significant number of Park Police trainees and graduates are opting to accept full-time positions outside The Park.

The report, which was commissioned by the Archons and conducted by the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), found that at least eighteen percent of those who graduated within the past five years have availed themselves of employment opportunities in Human police forces outside The Park.

“We are bleeding our brightest and our best,” Kakapo said at a press conference outside Park police headquarters this morning.

Faced with these figures, Kakapo said The Park has no choice but to address the problems that are facing the force. He cited one statistic he called “particularly alarming,” and that is that at least one quarter of the eighteen percent who left  listed their top three reasons for the move as better pay, more respect from the public, and less interference from their superiors.

Kakapo said he plans to sit down this weekend with Gareth Shepherd, head of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) to discuss what can be done to keep trainees and graduates in The Park.

“This is a crisis situation and we plan to address it as such,” Kakapo said.

OTD in 2014—Park Finance Officer Struts called out for “specist” remarks made Wednesday

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Struts

Park Finance Officer Milton Struts is taking criticism in the media and in shops around The Park this morning for remarks he made during the massive budget protest held yesterday.

As he moved through the record crowd, many Animals say they heard Struts complaining that the protesters had no budget-planning experience, so they had nothing to offer and nothing to “grouse” about.

“Ignorance breeds ignorance,” is another phrase that many say Struts mumbled. But what really disturbed participants was the second specist remark that Struts let slip from his lips on more than one occasion.

In reference to both the organizers and the strong supporters of the protest, Animals say Struts used the term “Whistlepiggery” on more than one occasion.

“He said the protest was just another example of Whistlepiggery in The Park,” says Adeline Hedgehog, who was present at the protest from the beginning.

“He said it and he didn’t look at all remorseful afterwards,” she says.

Another protester, Elton Zebra, said Struts had a “certain glint in his eye” when he said it.

“He knew exactly what he was saying and who he was saying it about,” says Zebra.

The term “Whistlepiggery” is a derogatory term that was outlawed in The Park a year after zoocracy. It is meant to characterize an Animal as conniving and untrustworthy.

As it happened, the Wednesday anti-budget protest was organized in part by Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS). It was also strongly supported by Wyatt Whistlepig, Jr., the organizer of the annual Groundhog Day celebrations, as well as by other organizers of Park events and the heads of The Park’s Animal aid services. Absent from the protest were members of The Park’s environmental groups and the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP), who are said to be quite pleased with the budget.

In a statement on behalf of his membership, Wellington Whistlepig expressed “deep disappointment” in Struts’s alleged attitude and called on the Finance Officer to make an official apology.

“If  he did, in fact, say those things of which he has been accused, he owes us all an apology for the very unzoocratic way in which he has dealt with dissent,” the statement read in part.

Meanwhile, The Park’s storefronts all agreed to display a very unflattering caricature of Struts with his head in the sand, signifying that he lives in the “dark ages before zoocracy.” The storefronts will continue to display the caricature, they say, until they receive an apology.

Thus far, however, no apology nor comment has been forthcoming either from Struts or from the Park Finance Office.

OTD in 2016—Button maker received order for Millicent Hayberry candidacy: rumour

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It’s been over a month since Park citizens heard the rumour that Millicent Hayberry was considering a bid for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

Though she has kept mum on the subject, a source close to one of The Park’s most prominent button makers has told The Mammalian Daily that  the company received an order to produce buttons for her campaign.

The source, who wishes to remain anonymous, said the order came in two weeks ago from a “campaign leader.” The order is said to be for three different versions of a button, one of the prototypes of which appears on this page.

Hayberry, who is wrapping up her performance at the Burrow Theatre in “Godwit,” the first of three mystery plays by Gianfranco Colocolo, is expected to make some form of announcement before the end of the month. Candidates have until November 5 to enter the race.

Sources tell The Mammalian Daily that were Hayberry to run, she would have the support of Hieronymous Hedgehog, along with a number of other prominent hibernators. Her candidacy may lean heavily on the idea of “breaking the species barrier,” since all successful candidates for POPS have been Groundhogs. Nevertheless, since the 2011 and 2012 candidacies of Zachariah Skunk and Lorenzo Michele Chipmunk, there has been a call for broadening the field in this election and making the list of candidates more representative of The Park’s population.

OTD in 2014—Reaction to 2015 “streamlined” budget: from outrage to high praise

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2015 projectionsReactions to The Park’s 2015 “streamlined” budget depend on what your priorities are, says Park Finance Officer Milton Struts.

In an interview in his office two weeks after the release of the budget, Struts characterized Park residents’ general reaction as “favourable and understanding.”

“I think Park Animals understand the need to simplify our lives and, correspondingly, our budget,” Struts said.

But Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS) has a different take on the matter. He says that he and other business owners consider the budget “a disaster” and that he’s been busy “rallying the troops” for the past two weeks to pressure the Park Finance Office into redoing the entire budget.

“There’s going to be a massive protest against this thing,” Whistlepig says. “It’s little more than a farce. There’s almost nothing specific in the budget, so how do we know what’s going to be approved and what isn’t? How do we know how much there is to spend? We don’t. We know nothing.”

Refugee groups agree.

“There was never enough [funding] and likely never will be, but we used to see a defined amount set aside for the care of refugees. In this budget, we see nothing definite. We don’t even see ourselves; they didn’t waste any ink on us,” says Inez Gallina, president of the refugee aid group Home to Roost.

The only groups that seem pleased with the budget are those connected to weather and the environment.

“We’ve been waiting, year after year, for the PFO to take us seriously and they finally have,” says Kalliope Sun Bear, president of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP).

“Look at the difference: last year, the gave us a mere 5% of the budget. This year it’s a whopping 20%. There is so much we can do with that and it will benefit all Park residents, from our food growers and packagers to our shops and services. Weather is the foundation of our life here in The Park.”

Indeed, according to a source who wishes to remain anonymous, the Park Weather Office (PWO) is said to be “ecstatic” about the budget and “looking forward to spending the funds on good quality weather.”

“You never know, we could end up calling this the Sunshine Budget,” the source said.

2015 projections2015 projections

OTD in 2013—Music fest under fire for selling products to Humans

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Beats of BurdenwareThe organizers of the first annual Beats of Burden music festival have come under fire for creating and selling products that are specifically geared to Human consumers.

At a rally held this afternoon outside the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, members of groups that aid The Park’s refugees, as well as Park artists and shopkeepers, marched around the theatre, chanting their disapproval of what they call the festival organizers’ “outrageously offensive” decision.

“This is an incredible betrayal,” said Dorika Pumi, who curated The Park’s first art installation at The Park Museum of Contemporary Art. Entitled, “How Much Was That Doggie in the Window?” the installation has been described as “a living, breathing, depiction” of the horror of enforced domestication of Canines by Humans.

“I can tell you honestly that this is the last thing that we, as an organization, believed would ever happen,” said Vizsla Hoover of Runaway Rovers. Hoover’s group, which was involved in the art installation, assists Canines who have escaped enforced domestication.

“After years of working with refugees who have suffered tremendously at the hands of Humans, I am shocked that they [the festival organizers] saw fit to pander to them just for the sake of money,” she said.

Hoover is one of many in The Park’s immigrant and refugee aid community who is calling for the organizers to cease creating products for and selling those products to Humans.

“I looked at the catalogue and the number of products geared to Humans was almost equal to those for Animals,” Hoover said. “It is appalling.”

For their part, the music festival’s organizers say only that they believe many of the products offered for sale can be used by “any species.”

“We have offered a variety of products for sale in support of The Park’s refugee community. We have tried to be inclusive of all species and we believe we have been successful, in that many of these products have universal appeal. We do not, however, believe it is our job to determine which products should be geared to which species. That would undermine our intent, which is to service the Park community across its entire spectrum,” a festival statement said.

OTD in 2011—Splinter group to stage currency-related protest this weekend

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Mammalian Daily Associated News Services (MDANS) is reporting that some former members of the Association for the Preservation of Individual Currencies (APIC) have disassociated themselves from APIC and created a splinter group to fight currency amalgamation in The Park.

The group, ninety per cent of whose members are Geese, calls itself “Fowl Cry” and plans to stage a two-day protest against currency unification this weekend.

In a statement distributed to all Park media, the group excoriated APIC as a “do-nothing” organization and its current President, Rowena Goose, as a “stand-by and watch” official.

“At a time when it is most important to take action, she [Rowena Goose] has adopted a ‘wait and see’ attitude,” the statement said.  The group has also accused the Goose of feathering her own nest by hoarding the dominant currency (Ftoo), while leaving the rest of Park citizens to fend for themselves.

APIC released a counter-statement early this morning, defending its record and touting its success in staving off currency amalgamation, which has been on the table in The Park for more than seven years. The group did not address the charges that Fowl Cry made against its President, nor has Rowena Goose yet stepped forward to dispute them.

Park Police say they have called in reinforcements in order to keep peace in The Park during the demonstration.

OTD in 2011—Clash with Guard Dogs at protest leaves 1 dead, 7 injured

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One Goose is dead and at least seven were injured after a clash with Guard Dogs at this weekend’s anti-amalgamation protest in The Park.

The fallen Goose, whose name has not yet been released, was last seen alive at the ancient open-air theatre on Sunday.  She was, reportedly, organizing a parade with a small gaggle of her compatriots to protest currency unification in The Park.  The Goose was part of a group that calls itself “Fowl Cry.”

Witnesses at the scene said that the Guard Dogs, who were on high alert, became agitated at the sound of “all that honking” and told the Goose to quieten down.

“That just made her mad,” said a friend who was also a participant at the protest.

“We have the right to express our opinions.  Jor gave us that right and it is enshrined in The Park’s constitution.  No one has the right to tell us to shut up.”

According to one witness, when the Goose refused to cooperate, the Guard Dogs rushed the group and allegedly bit several of the Geese.  A fight broke out between the Guard Dogs and the Geese and the result was one death and a host of injuries, some serious enough to land several of the Geese in the hospital.

Early this morning, Gareth Shepherd, President of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW), took to the airwaves to calm Park residents and to assure them that the security force, along with the Archons, will conduct a “full and fair” investigation into the incident.

“We invite all citizens and, particularly, those who were present at the gathering in question, to testify at the open investigation, which will commence at the end of the month,” he said.

For their part, the members of Fowl Cry say that they will wait to hear the testimony of the witnesses and the explanation of the Guard Dogs before they take any action.

“In the meantime,” said a spokesGoose for the group, “we have to plan a memorial service for our fallen leader and tend to the needs of the others who were injured.”

OTD in 2016—Gunnar Rotte tweets, then takes his case to the Archons

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Screen Shot 2016-08-10 at 9.00.45 AMGunnar Rotte has never backed away from a fight.

Indeed, he rose to prominence almost two years ago, when he published a controversial editorial in The Rodent Commoner comparing the plight of his own species to that of The Park’s striped and spotted citizens.

Now, the beleaguered journalist and part-time counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic is doubling down on his mission to make all Park citizens understand the real life challenges of Rodents and, in particular, Rats.

After taking to Twitter yesterday to react to the announcement that this year’s Park ART Walk will celebrate the work of our striped and spotted citizens and to complain that no Park event honours Rodents, Rotte has begun a campaign to pressure the Archons into establishing just such an event.

Calling for an annual , “Rotter Day,” Rotte says he plans to march in front of the law courts and all government buildings until the Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations agree to his plan.

And he just might be successful.

“I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he got it done,” says Rosbritt Piggsvin, President of Rodents at Risk, a Park charity that aids The Park’s at-risk Rodent community.

“Gunnar is nothing if not persistent,” says Piggsvin, who has known Rotte since his birth.

“He gnaws at things and doesn’t let them go. And on this particular subject, I can tell you, he won’t rest until all Park Animals understand and acknowledge the pain and suffering of Rats and many other Rodents.”

Still, many say it will be an uphill battle for Rotte to get the Archons to agree to add an event to The Park’s calendar so late in their term.

“Yes, he may have to march in the snow, but I’ll bet he’s already put together a plan to confront the new Archons on the day of their swearing-in,” says Piggsvin.

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