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OTD in 2013—Pivotal moment in Jor’s life highlighted in new biography

December 8, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Pivotal moment in Jor's lfie

A new biography of The Park’s first leader highlights a pivotal moment in Jor’s life, and it is a moment for which all residents of The Park will feel gratitude, says the book’s author.

“There was a time, during Jor’s early years, when he wasn’t working toward interspecial harmony, when such pursuits hadn’t even entered his mind,” says Daphne D.S. Katze.

“Up until then [this turning point], he was a regular Cat. And only those very close to him, such as his sister Zoë (also known as ZoëCat), knew what happened that fateful day and how it changed him. He went from being a domestic Cat in pursuit of Feline pleasures, to [being] a champion of all species and a hero to many,” Katze says.

According to its publisher, Prionailurus Press, Katze’s book stands out from all the other biographies of the founder of modern zoocracy because she was given “unfettered access” to his papers, as well as all other documents concerning him, including The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat, the now-recovered autobiographical work of his older sister.

“Daphne [Katze] was able to glean so much from that alone. Even without looking at the other material, she would have had a book that tells us more than we have ever known about Jor,” says Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press.

Katze’s book, Jor: The Extraordinary Life of an Ordinary Cat, is scheduled to be released early in the new year.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

OTD in 2014—Police impose curfew, ban on travel amid protests and disappearances

December 7, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

FCSW President Gareth Shepherd

Gareth Shepherd: curfew, ban on travel outside The Park

DEVELOPING STORY
After an overnight series of consultations with the Archons and the Department of Well-Being and Safety, Park Police announced today that they have imposed a curfew on Park residents and a ban on travel outside The Park.

Gareth Shepherd, a 17-year veteran of the force and president of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW), made the announcement this morning at a hastily-arranged press conference.

The announcement read as follows:

Due to recent events, including violent protests, threats on the lives of Park Animals, and a number of mysterious disappearances, the Archons and the Park Police have made the decision to impose order on The Park by establishing a 10:00 p.m. curfew on all residents, as well as a ban on travel outside The Park.

More details of these arrangements will be made public shortly. For now, please be advised that officers will be permanently stationed at all Park exits and will begin making rounds at 9:50 this evening.

Park Police and the Archons are appealing to all residents to respect this decision. It was made with the welfare of all in mind.

Shepherd also confirmed that they have enlisted the assistance of the Does of Peace in this effort.

The new restrictions come into effect tonight, December 8, 2014.

This story will be updated as more information is gathered.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: curfew, police, travel ban

OTD in 2015—DWBS, UWT, Extinction Anxiety Clinic team up to fight Non-Hibernators’ Guilt

December 6, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Non-Hibernators' Guilt

The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), the University of West Terrier School of Medicine, and The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic are teaming up to add might to the fight against Non-Hibernators’ Guilt (NHG).

At a small ceremony this afternoon, representatives of all three will be on hand to open the first of five pop-up clinics that will appear around The Park throughout the Winter. The clinics will serve NHG sufferers and will host information sessions to raise awareness of a condition that experts say has become “the scourge of the Winter season.”

“I think our hibernating population has been so successful in its awareness and outreach programmes over the last few years that, in a way, the result has been an increase in the number of NHG cases,” explains Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon, a Park psychotherapist and staff member at the Extinction Anxiety Clinic.

“We’ve become so aware—hyper-aware, I would say–of the difficulties and perils of hibernation that we’ve come to believe, somehow, that we’re undeserving of the ease of our own lives,” she says.

Dr. Chloris Cougar, a researcher at the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine, agrees.

“Not to take anything away from our hibernators, whose bodies and psyches withstand so much, but I think the story has gotten a bit skewed. Just because your species doesn’t hibernate or estivate doesn’t mean that your life is in any way easy. The goal is not to feel guilty, but to maintain respect for ourselves and our own way of life, while empathizing as much as we can with others. That’s the message we’ve tried to impart at our public information sessions in the past. Now, we’ll be able to do it one-on-one with NHG sufferers and their friends and families,” she says.

The first pop-up clinic will open this afternoon at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm. It will operate seven days a week, from noon until nine o’clock, until January 15, 2016.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Health and Medicine, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: NHG, Non-Hibernators' Guilt, pop-up clinic

OTD in 2014—Could Tricolore’s “tabbiness” be connected to his disappearance?

December 5, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Tab Tricolore: "You have to offer an extraordinary culinary experience or else Animals will not dine at your restaurant."As the fourth day of Chef Tab Tricolore’s absence brings no clues as to his whereabouts, many have begun asking what might in the past have been a forbidden question: is it possible that Tricolore’s “tabbiness” is somehow connected to his abrupt disappearance?

The celebrated chef and award-winning author went missing on December 2, after he left The Park to source ingredients for that night’s service at his fine dining restaurant, Klo.

There are few who have seen him since and yesterday’s update from Park Police left much to be desired. They are at a loss, it seems, to understand what might have happened to him or where he might be.

Increasingly, though, there have been whispers about a theory that is at once unpalatable and believable. Could it be, as many Park Animals are beginning to wonder, that Tricolore is the victim of anti-stripe prejudice?

“The timing makes me suspicious,” says Blandine Okapi. Okapi, who recently resigned from the Archon Transition Team, is acting president of Sisters and Brothers of the Narrow Band, a Park organization that offers assistance to striped Animals.

“After all, wasn’t it just the day before his disappearance that [Rodent Commoner reporter Gunnar Espen} Rotte published that despicable editorial?”

Rotte’s article expressed his lack of sympathy with striped and spotted Animals and the difficulties they encounter.

“I come from a species that is universally hated,” he wrote, implying that striped and spotted Animals were not the only ones who suffer prejudice.

Okapi is one of many who say they are worried that some Park Animals such as Rotte may have ties to anti-stripe “elements” outside The Park.

“It’s possible that some Animals who feel the same way as he does may have called in a few favours,” she says.

Park Police, however, say they have no evidence of such a situation.

“At this time, we have no reason to suspect any Park Animal of any wrongdoing,” says Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU).

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day Tagged With: anti-stripe prejudice, hate, prejudice

OTD in 2014—Your government needs YOU: Archons, PFO to host pre-budget consultations

December 4, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

New budgetWith little more than six weeks to go before their term ends, the 2014 Archons have decided to consult Park citizens before they release the revised version of the 2015 budget.

At a press conference yesterday, press secretary to the Archons Balthasar Alouatta confirmed that the Archons, in conjunction with the Park Finance Office (PFO), will be hosting a “consultation event” at the Wishing Well between 10:00 a.m. and 9:00 p.m. both days this weekend.

“They felt it was important for them to hear what citizens and residents had to say regarding funding in the new year,” Alouatta said. “There have been so many complaints and our last budget was so controversial, it seemed appropriate to take it directly to Park Animals.”

After former Park Finance Officer Milton Struts was relieved of his duties last month, the Archons were expected to table a new budget by the end of November. But that has proven impossible for a number of reasons and the decision was taken to consult “those who are most affected by the budget.”

“The idea of consulting the populace originated with the Archons even though, as the de facto heads of the Park Finance Office, they are ultimately responsible for the budget,” Alouatta said.

“They want to hear what Park Animals have to say, but make no mistake. The budget stops with them,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: 2015 budget, budget consultations

OTD in 2014—Tab Tricolore disappearance: Police to hold press conference this afternoon

December 3, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

C Astrid H AntBREAKING NEWS
Park Police announced this morning that they will hold a press conference at 1:00 p.m. for the purpose of updating Park citizens on the disappearance of chef Tab Tricolore.

In attendance will be Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU), Antonia T. Fossa of the Interspecial Investigations Unit (IIU) and C. Astrid H. Ant, Head of The Park’s Ant Security and Intelligence Service (ASIS).

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: chef, disappearance, missing

OTD in 2013—Celebrity Park chef collaborating with others on cookbook

December 2, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Tricolore book

Tab Tricolore, The Park’s most famous (and infamous) chef, has confirmed that he is collaborating with a group of Park chefs on an interspecial cookbook.

The busy chef and author won the 2013 Chitter Radio Literary Award in non-fiction for “The Feral Roots of our Festive Cuisine,” a book that is part memoir and part cookbook. Tricolore also owns and runs four restaurants in The Park and is planning to open a fifth (The PurrrBoy Café at the Park Museum) in the near future.

The other five chefs involved in the project hail from different species, but all have one thing in common: they are generally long-lived Animals. Hence, the working title of the book: “Recipes for a Long Lifespan.”

“That title has a double meaning, though,” Tricolore said in an interview recently. “These recipes all come from a fairly long-lived group, but they are also recipes for foods that are good for you. If you use them [the recipes], you can have a longer lifespan, too. But, of course, there are no guarantees,” he warned.

What is guaranteed is that the meals cooked using these recipes will be delicious.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life

OTD in 2015—Sierpinski Squirrel replaces Blandine Okapi on Archon Transition Team

December 1, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Sierpinski Squirrel Sierpinski Squirrel has joined the Archon Transition Team.

ATT spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin made the announcement at a short press conference yesterday afternoon.

“We are pleased to announce that Sierpinski Squirrel has joined the Archon Transition Team. We are confident that he will make an excellent team member and we look forward to working with him for a long time to come,” Hoatzin said.

The Squirrel, who is Chief Financial Officer of A. Corn and Partners, replaces Blandine Okapi, who resigned her position on the team last year, citing “philosophical differences.” This new appointment brings the team back up to its regular membership of thirteen and comes just in time for the annual transition preparations.

The addition of Sierpinski to the team was hailed by many in The Park’s political community, particularly those who are avid supporters of sortition, the lottery system by which The Park’s thirty-five Archons are chosen annually.

“I think Sierpinski was by far the best choice,” said Sylvana Rana in a radio interview this morning. The president of Save Our Political System (SOPS) said Sierpinski has “proven his loyalty to zoocracy” through his support of the political system that was established by Jor, The Park’s first leader.

The other members of the Archon Transition Team expressed their approval, as well. In a joint press release issued this morning, they welcomed Sierpinski and confirmed that the team’s first meeting would be held on December 15.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Archon Transition Team, Park government, sortition

OTD in 2013—POPS fans, we have a winner (finally)!

November 30, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Solange Marmotte

The Park’s hibernating community will breathe a collective sigh of relief today.

Less than a full day before this year’s new official date of hibernation, the Park Election Office finally has been able to declare a winner in the 2014 POPS election.

PEO head Gerritt Wezel made the announcement this morning at a hastily-arranged but well-attended press conference.

“The Animal who will fulfill the rôle of 2014 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring is Solange Graciela Marmotte,” he said.

Reading from a prepared statement, Wezel thanked Park citizens for their patience and commended his staff and all the volunteers who joined the recount effort.

“Without your help, I would still be counting votes and Park citizens would have lost all confidence in this process,” he said.

As it is, many Park citizens have expressed their disillusionment with the POPS selection process after this year’s fiasco. Nevertheless, many seem willing to let bygones be bygones and to move forward with their plans for hibernation.

“This is definitely something we will have to revisit come Spring,” said Killeen Echidna, president of The Monotreme Alliance. Echidna spoke on Toro Talk Radio as part of a discussion forum on the subject after the election announcement was made.

“In the meantime, we’re grateful to have had a bit more time to prepare for hibernation. Now, we’ll all be glad to go under and Solange [Marmotte] has our full confidence. She will do a great job as POPS in February,” she said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

OTD in 2016—Stereotype STUNday: Snail Male lambasted for “aggressive” behaviour

November 29, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

angry-snailIt wasn’t just his specist lyrics. Or the direction his tentacles pointed. Or even the tattoo (unprintable in this newspaper) on his shell.

It was, as the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) put it, “a combustible combination of the three” that led them to call Park Police to remove rapper SnailMale from the stage at this past weekend’s Stereotype Sunday.

Speaking at a press conference this morning, Cornelius Kakapo, Director of Public Relations for the Department of Well-Being and Safety, said although the department would not press charges against the rapper, he most definitely would be banned from performing at major events in The Park “for some time.”

“We believe he intended to be incendiary and that is his prerogative when he performs on his own at events that he has organized and that Animals have paid to attend. But it was absolutely inappropriate to bring that type of attitude and set list to an open event and, particularly, to an event that is organized to promote interspecial harmony,” Kakapo said.

According to Kakapo, most attendees were in agreement with the department’s decision to remove the rapper from the stage mid-performance.

“We had an enormous amount of feedback on this and I would say ninety percent of it is positive in terms of our actions,” he said.

SnailMale, whose songs are known to be angry and aggressive, has displayed specist tendencies in the past, but he has also been a supporter of interspecial harmony in The Park. In an open letter on his web site posted yesterday, the rapper said he was “unfairly treated and unjustly removed” from the event.

“They knew my work when they invited me to perform. So, why did they remove me for being who I have always been?” he asked.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: interspecial harmony, rap, SnailMale

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